Moment in time

16 03 2014

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How shall I begin to capture the moments of my last six months ? I’m not sure how many times I’ve wanted to write about them, but I manage some words and have to start all over again at a different time. They say Nikolai Astrup, a painter from my birth place, left many pictures unfinished, and I see the same tendency myself. I have about 40 drafts on my blog and even when I publish something new, I’m haunted by the stories I wanted to share and write.

This weekend has been about traveling, both physically from one place to another and metaphorically from one memory and thought to another. I have loved sitting with my head against the bus-window with an audiobook on my ear, while I watch the Norwegian mountain in all their mighty colors. My mood has been very present the last week, and I owe that to several things: I am moving from one apartment to another, and changes always whirl up emotional dust. Another reason for ample emotional occurrences, is the endings and beginnings in relationships.

I’ve worked for over three years now and an right now in a phase where many of my clients have gotten better. Some therapies has come to an end, and like Andrew Solomon wrote about himself: Sometimes I am so afraid of loosing the present that I find it hard to move on. To follow people, either professionally or personally, a long time also means accepting that it must end. To say goodbye to individual stories, is emotional, even when you know it’s right.

I started my blog two years ago, when my ex left me. Still I feel knots inside when I remember what we had and what I could have done different. This week I saw him again for the first time in over 6 months. He was one of the main singers in a musical, with the title ‘c.r.a.z.y in love’. One of my best friends sat next to me, and put her hand upon mine as my tears streamed when he opened the show by sining ‘to really love a woman’. I hoped it would be un eventful, but I knew I had to go through it. I felt better after some songs, but found myself in a emotional turmoil the day after it ended. I was prepared for some reaction, and have let it come, practicing mindfulness and calm breathing. I have went through regret, memories and loneliness all over again, and the need to get answers has once more haunted my thoughts.

It’s started to get late. I am in my bad as I write and think about the last months. I can honestly say that I’m proud of myself: I’ve stood in difficult feelings and held my head up high. I’ve told myself I should be happy that I can love so deeply that
My cuts still hurt two years after the injury. I’d rather love with all off me than hide beneath the covers and feel nothing.

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Love, save the empty

1 03 2014

I spent so many hours in their world, and therefore it scares me how little I remember from all the plots and stories I`ve read. I have never been good at remembering things afterward, I cared more about the experience there and then. How it was to feel what they felt, how surprised I could be over certain ways to think, and how my heart would beat when something was dangerous. Emotions. They are still here. I don`t sit down to read, I just look at the covers and feel the emotions from the past tingling inside me.

It is so nice to see those books again. I couldn`t have brought back these memories and feelings on my own, no matter how hard I tried. I needed to see them physically to remember. I remember how I read a bit, put it down, and the happiness when I had time to sit down with it again. The sad stories, the horror storries and the romantic stories, they were all urging me to continue, to find out how it all would end.

 

It has been so many years. I still read my stories, especially biographies and nonfiction. I open the chest of history and look at it`s organs. I examine it, still, and while doing it I also realize how precious little time we have. How many stories will I hear, before I die? How many times will my heart feel joy when someone find their prince charming? How much rage will be motivating me because I hear stories about abuse and suffering? I need to dive in it, and I need to feel. But sometimes I must also remind myself that my own story needs content. It needs feelings and people and thoughts. It needs insights, hurts and happy endings.

Where am I right now? Still sitting and waiting for my family in the home where I grew up. Soon my two small (energetic) brothers will fill the rooms with laughter and babbling. I love it and I love them. And maybe I will find my own love, soon? Maybe in some years times it will be me who looks at our children, and feel happiness swell in my chest? I am ready to grab my story, lift it up and carry it with me whereever I go.

 





My life as a psychologist

18 01 2014

 I work as a psychologist and really want to do something for people out there. That is the reason that I started a blog with the purpose of spreading important information about psychology to others. You`ll find it by following this link

behind the mirror

Mirrorgirl

m6

mir mirror1

I like meeting new people. Feel free to contact me with feedback or with your story. The meaning of life is being with people, listening to their stories and learning something new from it. Always appreciate your own story; There`ll never be a story completely the same as yours!You`ll find me at these social networks:

 And now: I want to know more about YOU:

What I write about:

arts & entertainment  books childhood clinical  humans Inspiration life lifestyle  psychologist depression

 dissociation emotions Freedom Germany happiness history hope love me mental health music myself 

Norway people personal Personality psychotherapy relationships sleep sorrow thinking travel  work writing 2013

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Russian delusions

17 06 2013

Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the President of the republic of Kalmykia, made the extraordinary comments on Russian state TV last week, claiming he spent several hours in the company of aliens in 1997.

He said he was relaxing at his Moscow apartment when he heard his balcony door being opened and someone calling him. “I went there and looked. There was a semi-transparent pipe. I went into this pipe and saw people in yellow spacesuits.”

He claims to have communicated with the aliens/humanoids through brain waves. “I was shown around their spaceship,” he said with no apparent sign of irony, adding that the aliens explained that they were collecting samples. “I would probably have not believed this if there had not been three witnesses – these were my driver, a minister and my assistant.”

Andrey Lebedev, a Russian MP, has even demanded that the Kremlin investigate the incident.

Did you say you felt unnormal ?

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