Moment in time

16 03 2014

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How shall I begin to capture the moments of my last six months ? I’m not sure how many times I’ve wanted to write about them, but I manage some words and have to start all over again at a different time. They say Nikolai Astrup, a painter from my birth place, left many pictures unfinished, and I see the same tendency myself. I have about 40 drafts on my blog and even when I publish something new, I’m haunted by the stories I wanted to share and write.

This weekend has been about traveling, both physically from one place to another and metaphorically from one memory and thought to another. I have loved sitting with my head against the bus-window with an audiobook on my ear, while I watch the Norwegian mountain in all their mighty colors. My mood has been very present the last week, and I owe that to several things: I am moving from one apartment to another, and changes always whirl up emotional dust. Another reason for ample emotional occurrences, is the endings and beginnings in relationships.

I’ve worked for over three years now and an right now in a phase where many of my clients have gotten better. Some therapies has come to an end, and like Andrew Solomon wrote about himself: Sometimes I am so afraid of loosing the present that I find it hard to move on. To follow people, either professionally or personally, a long time also means accepting that it must end. To say goodbye to individual stories, is emotional, even when you know it’s right.

I started my blog two years ago, when my ex left me. Still I feel knots inside when I remember what we had and what I could have done different. This week I saw him again for the first time in over 6 months. He was one of the main singers in a musical, with the title ‘c.r.a.z.y in love’. One of my best friends sat next to me, and put her hand upon mine as my tears streamed when he opened the show by sining ‘to really love a woman’. I hoped it would be un eventful, but I knew I had to go through it. I felt better after some songs, but found myself in a emotional turmoil the day after it ended. I was prepared for some reaction, and have let it come, practicing mindfulness and calm breathing. I have went through regret, memories and loneliness all over again, and the need to get answers has once more haunted my thoughts.

It’s started to get late. I am in my bad as I write and think about the last months. I can honestly say that I’m proud of myself: I’ve stood in difficult feelings and held my head up high. I’ve told myself I should be happy that I can love so deeply that
My cuts still hurt two years after the injury. I’d rather love with all off me than hide beneath the covers and feel nothing.

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kind in heart

24 02 2014

We all need The sound of voices through the silence

The events in Ukraine has triggered to many of us. We start to think about evil and injustice. If you think too much about that, it`s easy to feel helpless and scared. Completely natural and reasonable, but if we only focus on the bad things, we feel powerless. A dear friend of me lost a friend in Ukraine, and my heart reaches out to her and all the people who lost their lives because they dared to break the silence that many of us worship. Luckily, I know the power of breaking the silence. Like a freeing laugh in a tense situation, speaking up releases a cascade of reactions sorely needed. Put you`r imagination on fire and mentally hug your ability to change things. Who knows, you might be the person who started the chain reaction, leading to a better world for us all.

For people in need of more inspiration to battle helplessness, these pictures and this site might give you the necessary encouragement.

The sound of the second violin | Mirrorgirl

Let us change the world

Weekly Writing Challenge

The Project20130421-182324.jpg

 

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The Project

 

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Unsaid words:

  1. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | MAGGIE’S BLOG
  2. Milgram, Behavioural Study of Obedience
  3. Heightened Senses | Reality to Randomness
  4. Screaming in Silence | Reaching for the Stars
  5. Silence | Grilled Cheese (& Other Things That Make My World Go ‘Round)
  6. Tears over Gravlax | Not the Family Business!
  7. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence « Mama Bear Musings
  8. The sound of silence | sixmonthsinaweek
  9. The sound of silence: | D Lonely Stoner
  10. Sound of Silence | Musings of Shawn
  11. The sound of silence | all my likes
  12. My Brother and the Silence | jen groeber: mama art
  13. Mute | MightWar
  14. Letters from the Silence – 20th February, 2014 | Wired With Words
  15. The Sound of Screaming Silence | anniethinksabout
  16. The Last Minority | Deliberating Dave
  17. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | medicinalmeadows
  18. In Retrospect, a Response to a Poem I Wrote as a Teen | The Positivity Project
  19. Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | Home that We Built
  20. This is Silence | abundance in the boondocks
  21. ” “ | tabularin0a
  22. The Cruel Silence. | Abstractions of Life
  23. Within the Sounds of Silence ~ Weekly Writing Challenge | DCTdesigns Creative Canvas
  24. The Sound of Silence | DragonReader
  25. The Strength of the Quiet Moment | Songs Of Support
  26. Thought Connections | “Aspernauts” and other musings…
  27. The Sound of Silence | Life Sans God
  28. It’s Noisy Being Human | noontimethoughts
  29. meeting place | yi-ching lin photography
  30. » Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | Chiquitita
  31. Void | The Salt
  32. Am I A Jedi? Oprah, Chopra, and Yoda Weigh In | a contract
  33. The Sound of Silence – Ramblings from the Swamp
  34. Silencing – Rose Glace’s Blog
  35. The language of silence | Emovere
  36. A Cacophony of Silence | A Wild One Within
  37. Unsaid | Silver.Boox
  38. my tug-of-war with SILENCE | YES i WONDER…
  39. Breaking His Silence | Focal Breeze
  40. The Countdown | Omnithings
  41. The Sound of Silence – a short story | Thingiemajingie
  42. Thoughts on Sarajevo | roastbeefandrakija
  43. Enter Silence | The Silver Leaf Journal
  44. Rarity of Quiet | Corned Beef Hashtag
  45. Gray silence | Stories from aside
  46. School Vacation Routine for Parents | A Fit and Focused Future
  47. DP Weekly Writing Challenge: Silence | Phylor’s Blog
  48. On the art of better living | soulfoood
  49. DP challenge: silence | shape shifting
  50. Orion 83 – Part 5 – The Silence | L5GN
  51. the (not always so) sweet sound of silence | serene interior designs
  52. Silence | The Wonder of Yarrow House
  53. I DROVE IN SILENCE | I’m How Old?!
  54. Mute | Of love, life and such magic
  55. The Wait Of Silence | Wise Blood
  56. Searching for Silence | Dance With Madness
  57. Man-Made | martha0stout
  58. Scenes From the Lobby | pryorities
  59. Adjustment Periods Are THE WORST… | Grilled Cheese (& Other Things That Make My World Go ‘Round)
  60. The Sound of Silence on the Set on Mt. Tamalpais (Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence) | The San Francisco Scene–Seen!
  61. Sounds of Silence | bethanyah
  62. Dawn’s Silence #poetry #photography | Moondustwriter’s Blog
  63. The Silent Treatment | fingerprintwriting
  64. Silence of my home | The Word Trance
  65. Is it Really Golden? | Testing the Strength I Have
  66. Hue Of Silence | Views Splash!
  67. Riding Accident – A response to wordpress “silence” writing challenge | pocketfulofrocks
  68. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | Moonlight Reflections
  69. Of Gods and Men | Alyeska-Arts
  70. Tune of Silence | dandelionsinwind
  71. Silence is Deafening | mary’s blog
  72. The Sound Of Silence | remindyourmind
  73. The Sound of Silence | Alexia Jones
  74. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence, 23.02.14 | Markie’s Daily Blog
  75. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | Abby vs. The World
  76. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | Basically Beyond Basic
  77. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | jinyasa
  78. What You Can Hear in the Silence | krstokely
  79. The Sound of Silence: Can You Imagine It? | Just Be V
  80. The sound of breaking the silence | Free advice from a clinical psychologist
  81. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | Heauxdolly
  82. The Sound Of Silence | Here is my life, to share with the worldWWC: The Sound of Silence | The Crucial Kiwi
  83. The Sound of Silence | The Joy of Health Nutrition and Beauty
  84. A Silent Hunt. | The Shady Tree
  85. Silence Speaks Louder Than Words | Creative Mysteries
  86. Silence of the Cat | The Adventures of Cat Madigan
  87. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence #writing | Of Glass & Paper
  88. The sound of … | How to write a memo
  89. Behind the Facade of the Narcissist’s Silent Treatment | An Upturned Soul
  90. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence – Breaking the Barrier | humanTriumphant
  91. The Painting On The Wall | Midnight Butterfly
  92. Weekly Writing Challenge: Silent Screams | NOWHERE TO RUN
  93. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | MARGARET ROSE STRINGER
  94. The Sound of Silence | 101 Challenges in 1001 Days
  95. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | To Breathe is to Write
  96. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
  97. Hush me again, I can’t stand it. | May van Reenen
  98. it’s haircut day | Musings of a Random Mind
  99. My Quest for the Sound of Silence | Schizo Incognito
  100. No Curse | scottishmomus
  101. Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence | The Wandering Poet




The sound of happy beginnings

1 01 2014

Walking the streets of Copenhagen

 

Right now I am in the capital of Denmark. I am sitting in the fancy “Bella sky”, a creative masterpiece. It`s new years eve, and I`m in a reflective moof. People have all kinds of memories, expriences and dreams for the future. I hope that everyone will follow the dreams they have, while also letting get of the past we don`t need anymore.

A fresh start is always good, and I believe strongly in it. Every one of us have the ability to change so much, both in ourselves and in other´s lives. Let us focus on the power within each and every one of us, and let us become strong enough to help those less fortunate then us. With wars, hunger and conflicts all around us, we need every helping hand there is. Be kind to each other, and choose happiness, not fear. We only have one life (that we know of), so make sure you live this life exactly as YOU want.

Happy new year

 





Inside his thoughts

23 06 2013

TO CHEAT OR NOT TO CHEAT

Joe Kita womenshealth

Can a man’s man really stay faithful to one woman for 23 years? With a parade of daily temptations? And with his friends egging him on? Joe Kita spills it.

I want to tell you a secret. It’s something I’m deeply proud of yet also ashamed of. It’s about being a man and about being less of one. It defines who I am while it defies who I am. It’s a dichotomy that’s difficult for even me to understand.

How I feel about this secret depends on who I’m with. Alone, or with my wife and family, I feel pride. But with other men – co-workers, drinking mates – I’m often embarrassed. Even though it’s been 23 years, I’ve never admitted this to anyone – not even my wife. Then again, I’m sure she’s never seriously doubted me and will not be surprised by what I confess.

My secret is that for almost a quarter century, I’ve been faithful. Although I’ve lusted after many women, I’ve never slept with one, or left even a lingering kiss on a pair of expectant lips. I am successful. I am fit. I have money. I dress well and no, I’m not ugly. Yes, I’ve had opportunities. Yet…

That’s me you’ve seen in those sports-bar crowds, clinking pint glasses and clapping shoulders at sexual innuendo. That’s me you’ve overheard commenting on the foxy new intern. Yes, I think about it. Yet…

Those surveys that reveal how many husbands cheat on their wives (and vice versa), I’ve considered them all. I’ve been tempted by the idea that monogamy is outdated. Yet…

And of course there’s the blandness of the long-term relationship: seeing her in trackies scrubbing the toilet. Running out of things to say over dinner. Making love in the same position in the same room at the same time year after year. I crave excitement and variety. Yet…

…I’ve never cheated. And I haven’t admitted it because, well, men typically don’t do that. No matter how sensitive we’d like you to believe we’ve become, our brother-cliques still rely on bravado and conquest for acceptance. The minute we confess to not being on the chase, to turning our backs on our genetic drive to procreate, our gorilla chests start to shrink. It may sound small-minded, but that’s the way it is, at least in my world.

So why it is that I’ve never wandered? I have a few ideas.

I’ve never met a perfect 10

A colleague once told me: “If you’re going to cheat, do it with a perfect 10. Because when you get caught – and eventually you will – you’ll need to look back without regret.” I always thought that was good advice.

My ankle hurts in the morning

In his book Letters To My Son ,Kent Nerburn equates temptation with the time he broke his left leg:

“Whenever I feel a surge of attraction to a woman, I think of that leg… Being unfaithful snaps a relationship as surely as that fall snapped my bone. At first, it may seem like nothing. Over time, you may be able to mend the break so that the relationship is stronger than ever. But it is not healed. The scar remains and it will haunt you forever.”

I haven’t broken any limbs, but I’ve sprained my right ankle a few times. And it aches almost daily.

I’m drawn to a particular type

Whenever I’m attracted to another woman, I ask myself ‘why?’. Usually it’s because she’s tall, slim, brunette, amply endowed, vivacious, witty, and kind. These are all qualities my wife has. It’s made me realise that I’m naturally drawn to one type of woman. Why cheat with her twin?

I love my wife’s gnarly feet.

I once read an article by a bloke who cheated. Waking up next to his one-night stand, he immediately noticed her feet. They had been tucked into sexy black pumps the night before, but now they appeared big and manly and even had corns. He was so disgusted he fled. We forget that love camouflages faults. After 23 years, I know and love every part of my wife – including her feet.

I keep my word

I made a public vow to be faithful. And as the son of an ex-marine, I believe a man’s word should be unassailable. I’m talking about personal integrity here, a trait often muddied by politicians, athletes, CEOs, and sometimes even our own fathers. I may not have kept some of the little promises I’ve made, but I’ve kept the big ones, and I’m damn proud of that.

I married a perfect 10

I need to clarify my first reason. I have met a perfect 10, and I married her. And the reason I haven’t cheated is that I’ve never really wanted to. Although my wife and I have our differences, she is a great woman who deserves my fidelity. I may not always be able to give her my full attention or all the material things she wants, but I can give her this. And as the years go by, it becomes more precious.

Joe Kita has worked for the same company and had the same hairstyle for 23 years, too.

From Men’s Health Australia: 5 reasons men cheat and how to stay faithful





Neglecting yourself

15 06 2013

All around us there are competent, smiling people with good hearts and good jobs. Stand-up men and women who do their best to provide for their family, friends, children, and co-workers. People who laugh easily at others’ jokes, generously offer advice and compassion, and put others’ needs before their own.

But if we look a little more closely, we might see a flicker of self-doubt in the eyes of these fine folks. If we listen with a little extra care, we may sense a subtle lack of self-worth lurking beneath their surface. If we watch a little more attentively, we may see some effort behind their smiles and a waver in their confidence.

These are the people who are living their lives under the influence of powerful, invisible childhood emotional neglect (CEN).

The definition of childhood emotional neglect is simply this: A parent’s failure to respond enough to a child’s emotional needs. When a child grows up in a household where emotions are not validated, accepted, or responded to enough, he learns how to put his own emotions aside.

A child who grows up this way becomes an adult who doesn’t value, trust, or even know his own feelings. This child may grow into a fully functional, outwardly strong adult. But he will feel a deep sense inside of himself that something is missing; that something isn’t right.

He will feel that a most deeply personal, biological part of himself (his emotions) is invalid, or unacceptable, or missing. He will question his decisions. He will be confused by his own behavior and the behavior of others. He will struggle to feel connected to the people he loves the most, to fit in, to belong.

Yet, this emotionally neglected child, in adulthood, will be perplexed as to what is wrong with her, or why. Childhood emotional neglect is so subtle and unmemorable that she may have no awareness that anything was missing in her childhood.

So she will struggle in silence, put on a good face, and hide from herself and others that deep, painful feeling that something is just not right.

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About fear

8 06 2013

This is a brilliant little documentary explaining fear. Why we have it, how easy we learn it, and how easy it can be abused. You see classical psychological experiment being performed, and explained in an easy way. The best is how they focus at a solution in the end: Even if media often scare us and strengthen our fear of others, thereby planting seeds for hate and aggression towards others, it won`t work if we are aware about it. When we see that many fears are unfounded, we choose something else instead; Love and compassion. That is the antidote this world needs. Like Gandhi himself said: There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.





Don`t let them control you!

6 06 2013

625px-Gain-Control-of-Your-Emotions-IntroPart 1: Controlling Emotions, Not Letting Emotions Control You

1.

Know your emotions. There are a million different ways you can feel, but scientists have classified human emotions into a few basics that everyone can recognize: joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation.[1]

Jealousy, for example, is a manifestation of fear – fear that you’re not “as good” as something else, fear of being abandoned because you’re not “perfect” or “the best.”Know what kinds of situations cause which emotions, and be able to tell the difference between anger and fear; sometimes multiple emotions can bubble up at the same time, and the person going through the emotions might not be able to distinguish the two.

550px-Gain-Control-of-Your-Emotions-Step-12. Recognize that emotions don’t just appear mysteriously out of nowhere. Many times, we’re at the mercy of our emotions on a subconscious level. By recognizing your emotions on a conscious level, you’re better able to control them.

It’s also good to recognize an emotion from the moment it materializes, as opposed to letting it build up and intensify. The last thing you want to do is ignore or repress your feelings, because if you’re reading this, you probably know that when you do that, they tend to get worse and erupt later.Ask yourself throughout the day: “How am I feeling right now?” If you can, keep a journal. Write down situations that caused an interesting emotion in you. That way, you can help pinpoint the moment it appeared instead of letting its origin slip away.Take ownership of your emotions. Don’t blame them on other people. Recognize when you try to blame other people for your emotions, and don’t let your mind get away with that trick. Taking full responsibility for your emotions will help you better control them.

3. Notice what was going through your mind when the emotion appeared. Stop and analyze what you were thinking about, until you find what thought was causing that emotion.
Your boss may not have made eye contact with you at lunch, for example; and without even being aware of it, the thought may have been in the back of your mind, “He’s getting ready to fire me!

4. Write down the evidence which supports or contradicts the thought that produced 550px-Gain-Control-of-Your-Emotions-Step-4the emotion. Start connecting the dots about why you reacted the way you did.

When you begin to think about it, you might realize that since nobody gets along well with this particular boss, he can’t afford to actually fire anyone, because the department is too short-staffed. For example, you may have let slip something that you should not have said which angered him, but which it is too late to retract. His reaction at lunch may not be what you originally thought it was.5Ask yourself, “What is another way to look at the situation that is more rational and more balanced than the way I was looking at it before?” Explore all the different possibilities. If nothing else, thinking about other possible interpretations will alert you to many different scenarios, and the difficulty of jumping to conclusions.
Taking this new evidence into account, you may conclude that your job is safe, regardless of your boss’s petty annoyances, and you’re relieved of the emotion that was troubling you. If this doesn’t work, however, continue to the next step.

6. Consider your options. Now that you know what emotion you’re dealing with, think of at least two different ways you can respond. Your emotions control you when you assume there’s only one way to react, but you always have a choice. For example, if someone insults you, and you experience anger, your immediate response might be 550px-Gain-Control-of-Your-Emotions-Step-6to insult them back. But no matter what the emotion, there are always at least two alternatives, and you can probably think of more:

Don’t react. Do nothing. This approach is especially good when you know that someone is trying to egg you on or purposely frustrate you. Don’t give in; when you fail to show an emotional reaction, the person egging you on will become frustrated and eventually stop. Relax. Easy to say, hard to do, but there are some ways to relax that do not require lots of training, experience or will power. When we are angry or upset we clench our jaws and tense up. Taking a deep breath is an easy and effective way to tamp down the emotional upset. It won’t dispel the anger but it can dial it down a notch or two, just enough to keep us from saying, or doing, something we’d regret later.Do the opposite of what you would normally do. For example, you get bothered when your spouse regularly doesn’t do the dishes. Instead of engaging them in an argument the second you notice the dirty dishes, calmly do the dishes yourself and tell your spouse — in a calm and collected way — that you’d appreciate help considering all you do in the household.Remove yourself from the situation. Let’s say that you are on a committee at work that includes people who are unfocused, angry and unproductive. You invariably get upset when attending the meetings. One strategy for dealing with this upset, frustration and anger is to ask to be re-assigned to a different committee. Basically, you remove yourself from a situation that you know will generate these strong, negative and unnecessary feelings.

7. Make a choice. When deciding what to do, it’s important to make sure it’s a conscious choice, not a reaction to another, competing emotion. For example, if someone insults you and you do nothing, is it your decision, or is it a response to your fear of confrontation? Here are some good reasons to act upon:

Principles – Who do you want to be? What are your moral principles? What do you want the outcome of this situation to be? Ultimately, which is the decision you’d be most proud of? This is where religious guidance comes into play for many people.Logic – Which course of action is the most likely to result in the outcome you desire? For example, if you’re being confronted with a street fight, and you want to take the pacifist route, you can walk away–but, there’s a good chance that burly drunk will be insulted if you turn your back. Maybe it’s better to apologize and keep him talking until he calms down.








Emma Cownie Artist

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AdilaMKarol

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Solace

with Jason Lee, Author of Living with the Dragon

Logical Quotes

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jennifersekella

This WordPress.com site is the bee's knees

MAKE ME UP MARIE

An authentic lifestyle blog and open journal | Written by Marie Penrose

raynotbradbury

We are cups, constantly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.

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Just some stuff you might like. Or not. What do I know about you.

Child of Cynicism

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl year after year."

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Within the confines of one's mind lay the keys to eternity

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aspergerinformator

en opplysningsblogg om Asperger syndrom

Captain Awkward

Advice. Staircase Wit. Faux Pas. Movies.

Emma Cownie Artist

Swansea and Gower Contemporary Artist

AdilaMKarol

Keep it simple, but significant!

The Word Forge

Casting truth, melting down golden calves

Neurodivergent Rebel

Rebelling against a culture that values assimilation over individuality.

Human Life Run

Mistakes Are Reality Of Life.Lets Understand and Move on!!

Solace

with Jason Lee, Author of Living with the Dragon

Logical Quotes

Logical and Inspirational Quotes

jennifersekella

This WordPress.com site is the bee's knees

MAKE ME UP MARIE

An authentic lifestyle blog and open journal | Written by Marie Penrose

raynotbradbury

We are cups, constantly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.

Oriana's Notes

Just some stuff you might like. Or not. What do I know about you.

Child of Cynicism

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl year after year."

Eric's Corner of the Globe

Within the confines of one's mind lay the keys to eternity

Musings of PuppyDoc

Poetry & Medicine

Invisible Illnesses

Awareness, Education, Research & Quips

aspergerinformator

en opplysningsblogg om Asperger syndrom

Captain Awkward

Advice. Staircase Wit. Faux Pas. Movies.