Our goal

28 06 2013

Our goalWe (therapists/chosen contributors without professional background) have a goal we will try to accomplish several ways: Sharing psychological knowledge that might help inform and help the readers of this page. We need feedback from you to write posts YOU enjoy and find interesting, and will try to publish high quality information of various topics. If you like writing, and have something to share when it comes to psychology, some people will get the possibility to publish on this blog. The more people we are (with the same goal) the stronger this “community” will become, and hopefully we can help more and more people stand up and fight for a life that will become meaningful for them.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

We are building our sites at twitter, facebook and google +

You can contact us on: forfreepsychology@gmail.com





Inside his thoughts

23 06 2013

TO CHEAT OR NOT TO CHEAT

Joe Kita womenshealth

Can a man’s man really stay faithful to one woman for 23 years? With a parade of daily temptations? And with his friends egging him on? Joe Kita spills it.

I want to tell you a secret. It’s something I’m deeply proud of yet also ashamed of. It’s about being a man and about being less of one. It defines who I am while it defies who I am. It’s a dichotomy that’s difficult for even me to understand.

How I feel about this secret depends on who I’m with. Alone, or with my wife and family, I feel pride. But with other men – co-workers, drinking mates – I’m often embarrassed. Even though it’s been 23 years, I’ve never admitted this to anyone – not even my wife. Then again, I’m sure she’s never seriously doubted me and will not be surprised by what I confess.

My secret is that for almost a quarter century, I’ve been faithful. Although I’ve lusted after many women, I’ve never slept with one, or left even a lingering kiss on a pair of expectant lips. I am successful. I am fit. I have money. I dress well and no, I’m not ugly. Yes, I’ve had opportunities. Yet…

That’s me you’ve seen in those sports-bar crowds, clinking pint glasses and clapping shoulders at sexual innuendo. That’s me you’ve overheard commenting on the foxy new intern. Yes, I think about it. Yet…

Those surveys that reveal how many husbands cheat on their wives (and vice versa), I’ve considered them all. I’ve been tempted by the idea that monogamy is outdated. Yet…

And of course there’s the blandness of the long-term relationship: seeing her in trackies scrubbing the toilet. Running out of things to say over dinner. Making love in the same position in the same room at the same time year after year. I crave excitement and variety. Yet…

…I’ve never cheated. And I haven’t admitted it because, well, men typically don’t do that. No matter how sensitive we’d like you to believe we’ve become, our brother-cliques still rely on bravado and conquest for acceptance. The minute we confess to not being on the chase, to turning our backs on our genetic drive to procreate, our gorilla chests start to shrink. It may sound small-minded, but that’s the way it is, at least in my world.

So why it is that I’ve never wandered? I have a few ideas.

I’ve never met a perfect 10

A colleague once told me: “If you’re going to cheat, do it with a perfect 10. Because when you get caught – and eventually you will – you’ll need to look back without regret.” I always thought that was good advice.

My ankle hurts in the morning

In his book Letters To My Son ,Kent Nerburn equates temptation with the time he broke his left leg:

“Whenever I feel a surge of attraction to a woman, I think of that leg… Being unfaithful snaps a relationship as surely as that fall snapped my bone. At first, it may seem like nothing. Over time, you may be able to mend the break so that the relationship is stronger than ever. But it is not healed. The scar remains and it will haunt you forever.”

I haven’t broken any limbs, but I’ve sprained my right ankle a few times. And it aches almost daily.

I’m drawn to a particular type

Whenever I’m attracted to another woman, I ask myself ‘why?’. Usually it’s because she’s tall, slim, brunette, amply endowed, vivacious, witty, and kind. These are all qualities my wife has. It’s made me realise that I’m naturally drawn to one type of woman. Why cheat with her twin?

I love my wife’s gnarly feet.

I once read an article by a bloke who cheated. Waking up next to his one-night stand, he immediately noticed her feet. They had been tucked into sexy black pumps the night before, but now they appeared big and manly and even had corns. He was so disgusted he fled. We forget that love camouflages faults. After 23 years, I know and love every part of my wife – including her feet.

I keep my word

I made a public vow to be faithful. And as the son of an ex-marine, I believe a man’s word should be unassailable. I’m talking about personal integrity here, a trait often muddied by politicians, athletes, CEOs, and sometimes even our own fathers. I may not have kept some of the little promises I’ve made, but I’ve kept the big ones, and I’m damn proud of that.

I married a perfect 10

I need to clarify my first reason. I have met a perfect 10, and I married her. And the reason I haven’t cheated is that I’ve never really wanted to. Although my wife and I have our differences, she is a great woman who deserves my fidelity. I may not always be able to give her my full attention or all the material things she wants, but I can give her this. And as the years go by, it becomes more precious.

Joe Kita has worked for the same company and had the same hairstyle for 23 years, too.

From Men’s Health Australia: 5 reasons men cheat and how to stay faithful





Talking To Women

19 06 2013

For you guys 🙂





From the therapist office: Tips for a healing journal

18 06 2013

What do you think about this? The list is a bit long, but that gives the opportunity for picking your own favorites!

By Garrett Coan –

As a therapist, I often suggest to clients that they explore their feelings and thoughts by keeping a journal. Sometimes clients ask for a bit of direction with this process. Here are some journaling ideas if you’re not sure where to start:

1. Write down what happened today and how you felt about it.
2. Write a letter to a person you are angry with. Say everything you are feeling and wish you had the nerve to say.
3. Draw a picture of the person you wrote the letter to in #2.
4. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for. List all the big things, all the small things, and everything in between that you can think of.
5. Circle the three most important things on the list you made in #4. Write a paragraph for each, expressing your appreciation to the person who had the most influence over it. If possible, turn this into an actual letter and send it.
6. Make a list of the things that you feel upset about right now. Write down as many as you can think of until you can’t think of any more. Then choose the top five.
7. For each of the top five things you identified in #6, list 10 things you can do to gain control of the situation. Circle the top three from each list.
8. Make a timeline that represents your life. Fill it in with the most significant events that have shaped you: your early years, your teen years, and each decade that has followed. Draw pictures or icons next to the most important events. Use crayons or markers if you wish.
9. Write a few pages about your feelings about the timeline.
10. Describe how your life would be different if had or had not happened.
Here are some examples:
a. If your parents had divorced
b. If your parents had remained married

back-to-the-future.jpg

what if your parents hadn`t met ?
(from back to the future)

c. If your parents had been married

d. If your mother hadn’t passed away
e. If you hadn’t moved to
f. If you had gone to college
g. If you hadn’t gone to college
h. If you had gone to College
i. If you had never met
j. If you hadn’t broken up with
11. Make a list of all the things you wish you could do before your life is over.
12. Make a list of the things no one knows about you.
13. Write about your junior year in high school.
14. Write about what life was like before you became a parent.

 

very-funny-and-naughty-kids-you-never-seen-before-40-pictures.jpg

some long for the time before children..

15. Write about what you wish you had known before you became a parent.
16. Make a list of the things you still want to learn about being a parent.
17. Describe what it was like when you first met your partner.
18. Write about what you wish you had known about your partner before you married him/her.
19. Write about what you wish your partner had known about you before (s)he married you.
20. Write a letter to yourself as you were at age 10. Tell yourself:
a. What your life is like now
b. What you have learned since you were 10

0b5a198c537bad34d5e94c9a4f0aebe1.jpg

what one can learn as a child!

c. What you want him or her to know
d. What you want him or her to beware of
e. What you want him or her to enjoy every moment of
21. Write a letter to your own parents. Tell them what your life is like now.
22. Write a letter to someone from your childhood or adolescence who didn’t appreciate you or who misunderstood you. Tell the person what you want them to know and how you feel about the lack of connection between you.
23. Think of someone you never acknowledged for something important. Write that person a letter and acknowledge him or her.
24. Think of someone who never acknowledged you for something important. Write them a letter and tell them what you want them to know.

IMG_0448.jpg

25. Make a list of five miracles you want to happen in the coming year. Write a paragraph or two describing each one and how your life will be better if it happens.
26. For each of the five miracles, make a list of:
a. Five barriers or forces that block or prevent it from happening
b. Five positive influences, things that encourage or support its happening
c. Five things you can do to reduce the barriers and strengthen the positive influences
27. Write about the five things you most like to do.
28. Write about the five things you most dislike doing.
29. Make a list of five places you’d like to visit. Describe what you imagine them to be like.
30. Write about three things you most regret doing or not doing. Describe what happened and how you feel about it.

early-graduation-gift-for-baby.html.jpg

what would you like to tell your children?

   31. Write a letter to your children, even if they have not yet been born. Tell them what you want them to know about you.

32. Write a letter to your grandchildren, even if they have not yet been born. Tell them what you want them to know about you.

33. Write a letter to your descendants one hundred years from now. Describe what your life is like today.
Garrett Coan, MSW, LCSW is Founder and Director of the Center for Creative Counseling, a team of expert and licensed therapists and coaches providing phone and internet counseling services to clients throughout the United States and worldwide.

A full library of articles from this author are available at

 

half-birthday-interview.html.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[http://www.stressmanagementboutique.com/Article_Library.html]

 

And some other ideas for your journal:

 

journaling-tips-printable-journaling-cards.html.jpg

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Garrett_Coan

http://EzineArticles.com/?Use-a-Journal-For-Self-Discovery-and-Self-Expression&id=10254





Russian delusions

17 06 2013

Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the President of the republic of Kalmykia, made the extraordinary comments on Russian state TV last week, claiming he spent several hours in the company of aliens in 1997.

He said he was relaxing at his Moscow apartment when he heard his balcony door being opened and someone calling him. “I went there and looked. There was a semi-transparent pipe. I went into this pipe and saw people in yellow spacesuits.”

He claims to have communicated with the aliens/humanoids through brain waves. “I was shown around their spaceship,” he said with no apparent sign of irony, adding that the aliens explained that they were collecting samples. “I would probably have not believed this if there had not been three witnesses – these were my driver, a minister and my assistant.”

Andrey Lebedev, a Russian MP, has even demanded that the Kremlin investigate the incident.

Did you say you felt unnormal ?

20130617-192718.jpg





Never Forgotten

17 06 2013

Another bus in front of me. There is a screeching sound in the background, a nice mix-up of Muslim vibrations from the mosque, and simply a loud weeeeaaaahh, fronting its never ending message to the world. My head is fuzzy, after just some hours of sleep, shortened by my roommate who got up really early and then just sat on her bed for 20 minutes staring at her phone. I tried a timid hello, but I probably looked like some alien right then, my right eye swollen after a piece of a contact-lens decided to have some fun. I’ve bought
some tea, ice-coffee, juice and water (just a little bit thirsty). Some soft drink god must have disapproved of how I grabbed everything for myself and took revenge by turning my teacup around. I can hear him snickering somewhere, but I still don’t think I’ve learned the lesson. The clock is 8, my bus will head for the Vilnius airport in 20 minutes. My plane back to Oslo leaves at 09:45, thankfully the airport is just 5 km away.

I put down my phone, to let my thoughts roam for a while I watch a green tree in front of me, noticing the wind tickling the leaves and get into post- morning mood (E. Grieg) at once. I have a warm feeling running through me. jt’s compassion and happiness, cradling me in its arms as they tell me their memories. They remember a little girl from the bus ride from Riga, putting her head on her fathers shoulders, and then comes more glimpses from yesterday and days before that. I hear excerpts from emails recited inside, melting like Lithuanian chocolate. I remember her brown, sparkling eyes and compassion nods its head in agreement. Yes, it likes where my thoughts are, and especially clap its compassionate hands when we looked at each other in the cafe. It was a moment of silence, but with so many messages being sent back and forth. I grabbed one of them and said: I’m so glad we found each other (it sure wasn’t easy!). It’s like whipped cream on hot chocolate (yep, still thirsty), almost too good to be true . She let her curtains be drawn away several times, and out came precious collections of memories, retold with animation and respect for the ones in it. Her thoughtfulness was behind everything she said, no matter if it was telling about places they visited, people they met or people she loved. Her brother Emmanuel (the three E’s) was with us, also contributing with insightful comments of finishing his story. Sometimes they finished each others sentences, if they not continued it out of eagerness before the other was done. He was so calm, handling everything in the world. His violin shoulders not protesting against the task of bearing others in mind constantly. And further; They shined of ambitiousness that have brought them every possible experiences. When she goes back to the states, there is more work to be done. I see her in my mental theater, in front of a white piano together with a student, passionately making sure they get her delivery to their potential. A sound intrudes my reminiscence, reminding me to only take one piece of hand luggage unless I’m in classy business.

I’ve thoroughly liquidized myself with coffee, drinking yoghurt, tea and water, feeling slightly nauseated by the rapid intake. Again, I see number 22 in front of me (literally) which amaze me since it has been around all the time during this trip, pushing me on and telling me I’m doing this for my own sake (22 is my birthday) . The clock was even 22.00 when we finally started walking towards our cafe yesterday, chatting about how we ran back and forth like Crazy, blind people.
Slightly funny we could walk around each other like that: When I was pacing back and forth on McDonalds, going over to the cashier to convey a strict instruction; ‘ ‘If they come in her, tell them to follow me). Maybe she was busy calling the crazy ward as they came in, cause our paths never crossed inspire of vigorous exercise for all of us (they sweetly thanked me for that later, lithuanians really love potatoes!) We found each other at last. ‘I said to my brother, we won’t give up before we find her’. She smiled, probably dead tired from lack of sleep and a quite special and stressful afternoon.

One flight, hard bump in the head after one refreshing rain-shower and three bottles of tax-frees later, sitting and waiting for a bus I think I will not take.

I thought I had time in Oslo to get my luggage, but seems like I must be extraordinarily fast if want to accomplish that. Nothing in me is turned on top speed, so if I find an earlier bus I will take it, even if I bought train tickets already. The flight was spent in-between the skies and earth, in my own creative land. That’s where I build strange buildings (inspiration: Emmanuel) and think about stuff like: How funny would it be to actually smear yellow marmalade at on the singing ladies ? And that Ryanair use a lot of psychological tricks to sell stuff, but smear it over people so they feel sticky and just want to wash it away. Most of all I been re-living yesterday. How many details can one have from just three hours ? I am not sure, only know I’d take the Carousel again.

For now, the ride is over. I will walk on familiar ground again, but with my disorientation, I’ll never be sure if I suddenly walk on a new road.

20130617-183159.jpg

20130617-154411.jpg

20130617-154245.jpg

20130617-183310.jpg





Neglecting yourself

15 06 2013

All around us there are competent, smiling people with good hearts and good jobs. Stand-up men and women who do their best to provide for their family, friends, children, and co-workers. People who laugh easily at others’ jokes, generously offer advice and compassion, and put others’ needs before their own.

But if we look a little more closely, we might see a flicker of self-doubt in the eyes of these fine folks. If we listen with a little extra care, we may sense a subtle lack of self-worth lurking beneath their surface. If we watch a little more attentively, we may see some effort behind their smiles and a waver in their confidence.

These are the people who are living their lives under the influence of powerful, invisible childhood emotional neglect (CEN).

The definition of childhood emotional neglect is simply this: A parent’s failure to respond enough to a child’s emotional needs. When a child grows up in a household where emotions are not validated, accepted, or responded to enough, he learns how to put his own emotions aside.

A child who grows up this way becomes an adult who doesn’t value, trust, or even know his own feelings. This child may grow into a fully functional, outwardly strong adult. But he will feel a deep sense inside of himself that something is missing; that something isn’t right.

He will feel that a most deeply personal, biological part of himself (his emotions) is invalid, or unacceptable, or missing. He will question his decisions. He will be confused by his own behavior and the behavior of others. He will struggle to feel connected to the people he loves the most, to fit in, to belong.

Yet, this emotionally neglected child, in adulthood, will be perplexed as to what is wrong with her, or why. Childhood emotional neglect is so subtle and unmemorable that she may have no awareness that anything was missing in her childhood.

So she will struggle in silence, put on a good face, and hide from herself and others that deep, painful feeling that something is just not right.

20130615-203235.jpg

20130615-203426.jpg








discoveringsooz

I refuse to be fat forever

Logical Quotes

Logical and Inspirational quotes

jennifersekella

This WordPress.com site is the bee's knees

MAKEMEUPMARIE

AN AUTHENTIC LIFESTYLE BLOG FOCUSED ON FASHION ✓ MAKEUP ✓ BEAUTY ✓ LIFESTYLE ✓

raynotbradbury

We are cups, constantly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.

Oriana's Notes

Just some stuff you might like. Or not. What do I know about you.

Child of Cynicism

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl year after year."

Eric's Corner of the Globe

Within the confines of one's mind lay the keys to eternity

Musings of PuppyDoc

Poetry & Medicine

Invisible Illnesses

Awareness, Education, Research & Quips

aspergerinformator

en opplysningsblogg om Asperger syndrom

Captain Awkward

Advice. Staircase Wit. Faux Pas. Movies.

Emerging From The Dark Night

Working through the Dark Night of the Soul to emerge as me.

The Word Forge

Casting truth, melting down golden calves

Psychotherapy with Linda

let go or be dragged

A Bipolars Reality

Where Being Bipolar is Real

I Am My Own Island

Because We all need to find a way to live with ourselves

seasonsofapril

Professional, music lover. Quirky by nature, bipolar warrior, inside dancer & life ponderer. Trying to find the joy in the every day.

A Word Of Substance

"Object Relations"

firespirit

a journey begins........

discoveringsooz

I refuse to be fat forever

Logical Quotes

Logical and Inspirational quotes

jennifersekella

This WordPress.com site is the bee's knees

MAKEMEUPMARIE

AN AUTHENTIC LIFESTYLE BLOG FOCUSED ON FASHION ✓ MAKEUP ✓ BEAUTY ✓ LIFESTYLE ✓

raynotbradbury

We are cups, constantly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.

Oriana's Notes

Just some stuff you might like. Or not. What do I know about you.

Child of Cynicism

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl year after year."

Eric's Corner of the Globe

Within the confines of one's mind lay the keys to eternity

Musings of PuppyDoc

Poetry & Medicine

Invisible Illnesses

Awareness, Education, Research & Quips

aspergerinformator

en opplysningsblogg om Asperger syndrom

Captain Awkward

Advice. Staircase Wit. Faux Pas. Movies.

Emerging From The Dark Night

Working through the Dark Night of the Soul to emerge as me.

The Word Forge

Casting truth, melting down golden calves

Psychotherapy with Linda

let go or be dragged

A Bipolars Reality

Where Being Bipolar is Real

I Am My Own Island

Because We all need to find a way to live with ourselves

seasonsofapril

Professional, music lover. Quirky by nature, bipolar warrior, inside dancer & life ponderer. Trying to find the joy in the every day.

A Word Of Substance

"Object Relations"

firespirit

a journey begins........